I Refuse to Accept Less Than What I Bring to the Table

/

Dating in your 30s is frustrating as fuck!?! Why, as a straight, educated, black woman in my 30s, am I expected to accept less from a man than what I bring to the table?

Storytime!

I met a guy on OkCupid. Let's call him Jean. Jean is dark, tall(er than me), attractive, 30-something black man. On the dating site, he seemed nice, thoughtful, and truly interested in getting to know me and dating (with the intention of developing a romantic relationship). Jean didn’t seem crazy and most importantly did not display any fuck boy tendencies. He was attentive and communicative without being thirsty or overbearing. So, when h

e asked for my number, I gave it to him and we began to get to know each other offsite, in the "real world". 

However, as we talked more, I noticed a few things that irked me about 

Jean

. 

Number One! He didn’t go to college. 

I understand that a college education is not the only measure of success and drive, but I did not get a feeling that he was on a career path. An electrician is on a career path because that type of work requires training, skill building, and certification (and they get paid well for the time and effort they put into their craft). Jean seemed more on a job path. And, again I know that not everyone has the freedom, drive, or resources to forgo a paying job to pursue their dream career. I myself am not working in dream career, but I am on the path. I am building networks and developing applicable skills for my dream career. But, again I know everyone's journey is different, some people's paths are short, some people's path are long, and some people's paths are crooked.  Thus, in an effort to keep an open mind, I pushed aside my feelings about his lack of a college degree. The important thing was he was employed and was able to support himself.

Number Two! He is Catholic and it is important to him. 

Religion is a touchy subject (along with politics). Somehow, we got on the subject of him being Catholic. I informed him that I was also Catholic. Jean thought this was great because he assumed that we would have no religion or faith-based issues. I immediately disagreed.  Being born and raised Catholic does not play an important role in my life. I am more spiritual than religious. I believe in God and in living a life that is as moral and caring as possible.  I disagree with the Catholic Church on several major issues, such as abortion, homosexuality, priests being men only,  to name a few. Because I am not religious, I am weary of men who place religion high on their relationship priority list-- you know, the type of men who state that they are looking for a "Godly woman". I don't know what that means and I really don't want to know. But, in the case of Jean, he seemed to be okay with my views on religion, and he even shared a few of my views on the Catholic Church. 

Then, it happened. The deal breaker! He asked me what I was looking for in a man. 

I told him. I am looking for a man who is educated, career driven, and open-minded, loves traveling, eating good food, drinking strong drinks, and trying new things. Most importantly, I am looking for a man who is interested in building a relationship based on friendship, love, laughs, communication, and respect. 

His response: Do you think that you are expecting too much??? 

What in the entire FUCK!!! I told him: No, I know what I need to be happy in a relationship. I am not expecting less from a man than what I bring to the table. 

After I said this, Jean continued to press me about my relationship needs. He said that he is looking for a woman who is nice, respectful, family-oriented, and educated. Jean told me that I am expecting too much that may put stress on a relationship. I was flabbergasted and a bit annoyed. 

My list is not long. This is not a

"What Chilli Wants"

list. (Remember that show where Rozanda "Chilli" Thomas from TLC fame was looking for a husband but he had to fulfill a long checklist of requirements, including not smoking, not drinking, not eating pork, not having more than two baby mamas, and being fine with a six pack and a big penis.) 

I am not looking for a man that fits 50 things on a must-have list. I am looking for love and happiness in a relationship, not contentment. I would rather be single than be in a relationship in which I am expected to lower my standards and push aside my wants, my desires, and my needs all in the name of having a man. 

I do not need a man. I want a life partner who is also my best friend, lover, protector, co-parent, cheerleader, and ride-or-die. I am willing to comprise on my preferences on height, race, age, body type, income, musical taste, and family background. 

But, I am not willing to accept less than what I need, want, and deserve.

With all that said, I end with this message to the all the "Jean's" out there:

Boy Bye!

Lemme Get This Off My Chest: Don't Mansplain My Feminism

/

Ladies, has this ever happened to you? You comment on a friend's post and a (male) stranger thinks that it is okay to mansplain to you about why YOUR decision to do or not so something is wrong. 

Check out the video below to find out what I had to get off my chest: 

Lemme Get This Off My Chest: I Got The Right To Be MAD

/

"You got the light, count it all joy

You got the right to be mad

But when you carry it alone you find it only getting in the way

They say you gotta let it go

Now tell em why you mad son

Cause doing it all ain’t enough

Cause everyone all in my cup

Cause such and such still owe me bucks

So I got the right to get bucked

But I try not to let it build up

I’m too high, I’m too better, too much

So I let it go, let it go, let it go

I ran into this girl, she said, Why you always blaming?

Why you can’t just face it? Be mad, be mad, be mad

Why you always gotta be so mad? Be mad, be mad, be mad

Why you always talking s**t, always be complaining?

Why you always gotta be, why you always gotta be so mad?

Be mad, be mad, be mad

I got a lot to be mad about

, Be mad, be mad, be mad"

---Mad by Solange (featuring Lil Wayne)

Figuring Out Weight Loss: My Review of the Nutrisystem Uniquely Yours 4-Week Meal Plan

/

It is a kinda funny story how I ended up on a Nutrisystem 4-week meal plan. 

Four weeks ago, during my weekly dinner with my father, he asks me if I have thought about joining Weight Watchers. I was totally taken aback by this question and a bit offended. Why was my father asking me about joining Weight Watchers? At that time, I had already lost 10 lbs on my own. Could he not see my progress? Was he trying to tell me I was fat and needed professional help to slim down? 

So, of course, I got in my feelings and responded with an emphatic "No." I told him that I was not interested in joining a weight loss program because they cost money that I did not have to spare. Despite my response, he kept pressing me and even offered to pay if I wanted to join.  I laughed at his proposal and then later went home and told my mother about the conversation. I thought she would be mad at my father for asking me to join Weight Watchers, but she wasn't. She was actually mad at me for refusing his offer to pay for a weight loss program. She reminded me of how expensive eating healthy is and of how getting my father to pay for a healthy meal program, even if it was only for 4 weeks, could save me hundreds of dollars. 

As much as I hate to admit it, I quickly realized that my mother was right. I was not in a position to turn down an opportunity for free healthy food. 

I headed to the Google to do some research. I looked up Weight Watchers and found out that although they sold frozen foods in the supermarkets, they did not offer what I was looking for, home delivery meal plans. Disappointed  I moved onto the next big name weight loss program, Nutrisystem. 

I was pleasantly surprised to find that Nutrisystem had exactly what I was looking for. Nutrisystem offers three different 4-week meal plans at affordable prices: basic, core, and uniquely yours. I told my dad about it and after some bantering with him (because he insisted that he only offered to pay for Weight Watchers and not another program), I got him to pay around $340 for a 4-week meal plan. 

I picked the uniquely yours meal plan, which included a choice of over 150 meals and snacks and unlimited frozen foods (starting at $11.96 a day). For signing up, I also got a two week supply of their turbo 10 protein shakes. 

My Review

Delivery, Packaging, and Food Selection: 

The food arrived a week later in two separate shipments--one for the non frozen foods and another for the frozen foods (which arrived in a dry ice-filled styrofoam cooler). When I opened the boxes, I was a bit overwhelmed by how much food I received. I had to actually rearrange the pantry and freezer to fit in all of the food I received, which included breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks. The great thing about the food was that the boxes are clearly marked with the nutritional content, calories, and designated meal. 

Some of the food items I received were frozen cinnamon rolls, waffles, and turkey sausage egg sandwiches for breakfast, soups, steak and cheese melts, and mini pizzas for lunch, chicken parmesan, ravioli with meat sauce, and spinach-stuffed chicken for dinner, and fudge bars, slices of chocolate cake, and mini apple pies for snack. 

Taste:

Honestly, the food that I received varied in taste level. Most of the food tasted very good, such as the breakfast cinnamon rolls, the turkey sausage and egg sandwich,  the waffles and pancakes, the ravioli in meat sauce, the frozen hamburger and chicken sandwiches, and all of the frozen desserts. But there were a few meals that I felt tasted like bland diet food, such as the protein shakes, pasta, the bean chili, and the soups. 

Also, I must note that the portion sizes of all meals that I received were child size. Imagine a McDonalds happy meal versus a Big Mac combo meal. Get the picture? Tiny!!! I assume that the small portions are to keep the meals under 300 calories. But, it is very jarring when you first replace your regular meals with Nutrisystem meals. 

The first time I opened up one of their frozen personal pizzas I laughed and immediately opened another one to eat for my dinner. It felt unnatural to eat such a pizza for dinner that was the size of my hand. Eventually, I learned to pair the pizza with a small salad and a glass of grapefruit juice or red wine, instead of doubling my Nutrisystem meals to fill my stomach. 

Overall Value and Recommendation: 

I recommend the Nutrisystem Uniquely Yours meal plan with reservations. If you are looking for a home delivery program with a large variety of low calorie meals

and

 you have about $350 to spare to buy 4 weeks of prepackaged meals at one time, I recommend you try out this meal program. It definitely helped with my weight loss goals because I always had low calorie foods that I could quickly and easily heat up for my daily meals. I had no excuse for stopping at Wendy's for fast food because I had large variety of "fast" foods at home that I could eat guilt-free without having to spend time prepping and cooking food. 

BUT, if you do not have $350 to spend at one time on food, I would NOT recommend you pay for a Nutrisystem meal program. You pay the same amount of money or more in total on groceries throughout the course of a month. But, it is not the same as paying over $300 dollars on food at one time for prepackaged/frozen meals. The conveniences is not worth the financial burden. Nutrisystem is a subscription meal program so they are going to automatically charge your credit card every month unless you suspend or cancel your subscription. I canceled my subscription after 4 weeks because I can't afford the fee and my dad only agreed to pay for one month for me. 

Lemme Get This Off My Chest: These Dudes Ain't Loyal

/

You want me flawless

You want me patient and sweet

You want me willing

You want my honesty

You want me to be

Appreciative

Respect your space

Ignore your fears

You want spontaneity

A good girl and a freak

You want loyalty

You want something that you’re not, willing

To be

You want something that you’re not, willing

To be

Expecting me to be loyal

Expecting me to be faithful

You want something that you’re not, willing

To be

--Willing (interlude) by Jill Scott 

4 TV Series Starring People of Color You Should Watch

/

I love tv. I especially love tv shows that feature people of color in their main casts. Since for some time in the past decade there were so few black, brown, and tan faces on the small screen, I make sure to support the shows that portray people of color well. 

Last fall, I blogged about some of my shows featuring black main characters that I was watching and thought you all should be watching too (check out it

here

). Here is my list of must-watch black shows for this fall: 

1) Insecure (premieres Sunday, October 9th at 10:30pm EST on HBO)

Insecure explores the black female experience in an unclichéd and authentic way. Rae stars as Issa and Yvonne Orji stars as Molly, two modern-day black women and best friends who must deal with their own real-life flaws as they attempt to navigate different worlds and cope with an endless series of uncomfortable everyday experiences.

Good for:

those who are looking for an adult comedy showcasing the lives of young black women trying to figure love, life, and everything in between. Issa Rae is a brilliant and funny writer and actor. 

2. Luke Cage (available now on Netflix) 

Luke Cage was introduced in the Netflilx series Jessica Jones. He has impenetrable skin and super strength, but prefers to keep a low profile running a bar in Hell's Kitchen. However, the increase in metahuman individuals has turned the Kitchen into a battlefield, drawing Luke into the thick of things whether he wants to get involved or not.

Good for:

those who love the current influx of Marvel and DC superhero movies and tv shows but hate the lack of superheroes of color in them. Luke Cage is tall, dark, fine, and bulletproof. 

3. Fresh Off The Boat (airs Tuesdays at 9pm EST on ABC)

It's the '90s and 12 year old, hip-hop loving Eddie (Hudson Yang) just moved to suburban Orlando from DC's Chinatown with his parents (Randall Park and Constance Wu). It's culture shock for his immigrant family in this comedy about pursuing the American Dream. 

Fresh Off the Boat

 is based on Chef Eddie Huang's memoir 

Fresh Off the Boat

.

Good for: 

those who are looking for a family friendly comedy showcasing the hilarious escapades of a Chinese American family navigating a mostly white suburbs in Orlando, set to a 90s hip hop soundtrack. Constance Wu who plays mama Jessica is hilarious. 

4. Superstore (airs on Thursdays at 8pm EST on NBC)

This hilarious workplace comedy "Superstore" is about a unique family of employees at a supersized megastore. "Superstore" centers around Amy (Ferrera), the store's most stalwart employee as well as the glue holding the place together, and newly hired Jonah (Feldman), a dreamer determined to prove work doesn't have to be boring. Their fellow associates include the sardonic Garrett (Colton Dunn, "Key & Peele"), the ambitious Mateo (Nico Santos, "Mulaney") and the sweet teenager, Cheyenne (Nichole Bloom, "Shameless"). Overseeing the store is Glenn (Mark McKinney, "The Kids in the Hall"), the store's affable, clueless store manager, and Dina (Lauren Ash, "Super Fun Night"), the aggressive assistant manager who enforces Cloud 9 policy with an iron fist.

From the bright-eyed newbies and the seen-it-all veterans to the clueless seasonal hires and the in-it-for-life managers, together they hilariously tackle the day-to-day grind of rabid bargain hunters, riot-causing sales and nap-worthy training sessions. 

Good for:

those who are looking for a good workplace comedy with a funny (and culturally diverse) ensemble cast.

Save

Save

Save

Save

Pump It Up: My 15 Power Workout Songs Playlist

/

Need some motivation to get you through your daily workouts or runs? Pump yourself up with a few of my favorite butt-shaking, head nodding, make you wanna run to the club workout songs. Music can make any workout feel quicker and much more fun.

So, warm up, work out, and cool down to 15 of my favorite workout tunes.

Mama Said Knock You Out by LL Cool J

Work by Ciara featuring Missy Elliot

Where Have You Been by Rihanna

Mc Hammer by Rick Ross featuring Gucci Mane

Breathless by Roy Cape All Stars and Blaxx

Work by Iggy Azalea

 Damn Baby by Janet Jackson

Rumble by Skinny Fabulous

Baby Hello by Wande Coal

WTF by Missy Elliot featuring Pharrell Williams

Bundelele by Awilo Longomba

 Done D Party by Fay-Ann Lyons

 Anaconda by Nicki Minaj

Dancing On My Own by Robyn

When Love Takes Over by David Guetta featuring Kelly Rowland